10.20.11

Healthy Tips for Parent-Teacher Conference Night (my apologies to the non-teachers who read the blog):

• Before leaving for work on the morning of your conference night, make sure you do the following things: pack your makeup for pre-conference touch-ups (especially under eye concealer--by the 12th hour, you'll need it); make sure freezer and/or pantry is appropriately stocked with comfort foods; chill bottle of wine.
• Upon receiving your list of expected parents that morning, make sure you tell Johnny or Suzie at the beginning of class that you can't wait to meet his or her mom that night. It could make your day extra quiet (and pleasant).
• Dinner is at 3:00. It's best consumed quickly so you can feel bloated for your first conference at 4:00. Be sure to wash it down with one of the 87 PTA mom desserts. 
• Skip dinner and just have one of the (incredibly delicious--who needs dinner?!) 87 PTA mom desserts.
• Before a particularly difficult conference, it seems appropriate to pray/meditate/ask for spiritual and/or Divine guidance.
• If you feel that you will be running behind due to said particularly difficult conferences, place a few chairs outside your door to make other parents comfortable. For an extra advantage, put out a bowl of candy for waiting parents to snack on. They will come to you jazzed and excited, and if they are fidgety enough they won't stay too long.
• Be sure to open with some corny comic relief. For example, if a student has a 105% in your class, let your opening line be, "Suzie just isn't working hard enough in here!" Cue the hardy-har-har, immediate ice broken.
• Have a box of Kleenex within arm's reach. Sometimes talking about kids can be emotional.
• There's nothing wrong with having back-up. When you fear a parent, request someone else be in on the conference with you. You only need to be chewed up and spit out once, and it doesn't need to be on conference night.
• When the child accompanies the parent(s) to the conference, take special note of the amount of fear (or lack thereof) they have in the presence of their parents. It can be very telling--and useful!--in future situations.
• If a conference is particularly dull, sit and ponder whether the student looks more like mom or dad. 
• Before packing up for the evening, make sure the following day's lesson plans include one or all of the following: silent classwork, quiz or test, video.
• Also before packing up, if a jeans day isn't planned for the following day, see supervisor and beg. 
• As you arrive home, pat yourself on the back. You only have to do these 14 hour days a few times a year. With any luck, you survive--with your sanity and health intact.