2.25.11

So, I made a decision today that makes me feel waaaaaaay more comfortable in my skin, but I'm a little bit uncomfortable blogging about it. 


However, this is what I intended to do, right?


Several months ago, Greg and I started running together. I hadn't run in years, I finally fixed my knee, and we were rolling along, having fun** and doing it as a family.


**having fun is the key concept to this.


Then we decide to run the Cincy half marathon.


Then Greg gets hurt. 


Then I decide to keep going--and enlist my cousin Brandon as my training partner. 


Today, I had to break up with my training partner. Our phone call was totally a "It's not you, it's me" conversation. 


And it's all me. It is. I'm not quitting. I'm withdrawing my desire to do it. Here's why.


1. I'm a summertime, hot weather, the higher the humidity the better kind of runner. This cold weather stuff is for the birds. (Or not...since they fly south during the cold months.)
2. I'm taking away precious moments from my family so I can do what...train? Ugh. An hour here, an hour there, travel time factored in...double ugh. 
3. **remember those stars from above** It's not fun. I get that there are a lot of people out there who live to run, who feel accomplished and stoked and blahblahblah. I think I lost it years ago. I think my "runner's high" moved on to other areas of my life. And I miss pounding the pavement with Greg. That was what made it fun. That's what made it completely different from what it was years ago. Which is what leads me to number 4...
4. ...it's bringing back some bad habits, old ways of thinking, and a lifestyle I left behind years ago. Greg called it "excer-rexic" back then, and it's making its way back. It was not a good time, and the pressure I choose to put on myself when I "train" is just not worth it. Life is too vibrant, too much fun to slip back into those dark "You ate what?! And you only ran how far?!" moments. 


Maybe they needed to make me uncomfortable one more time so that I could give them a final farewell.


And after divulging all of this, I might, in the eyes of any of you sweet blog readers, still be seen as a wimpy quitter. 


I'm okay with that. :o) But I know that I'm not. 


Perhaps that's all too dark for a Friday night...my apologies.


The bright spot in all of this is that Greg and I will continue to run piddly little 5Ks here and there; we'll continue to run, and we'll keep up this spinning and yoga and whatever new thing we decide to do. But the best part--the absolute bestest, most fabulous part of this all--is that I will do it with the guy that makes it fun, that made it worth going back to in the first place. 


How's that for bringing January and February full-circle? ;o)